Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Elijah wakes up in a cage, and can barely remember anything about himself or his situation. He fights his way alone to escape a building full of bizarre and deadly monsters, while learning disturbing truths about himself. Once he finds the way out, he has to pass it up and keep fighting to rescue hiw wife and child from his nemesis.

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has previously published three other books and various short stories, as well as spending two years as a journalist for The Michigan Daily Newspaper. He studied creative writing under the tutelage of Jonis Agee, author of “Strange Angels” and “South of Resurrection.”

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Melissa6 portrait Growing up in Ontario, Canada, M.J. was the only child of a single mom.  Her passion for the arts ignited at a young age as she wrote adventure stories and read them aloud to close family and friends.  The dramatic arts became a focus in high school as an aid to understanding character motivation in her writing.  Majoring in Theatre Production at York University, with a minor in English, she went on to teach both elementary and high school for 10 years throughout Simcoe County. M.J. currently lives with her husband and young son in Caledon, Ontario.  She keeps busy these days with her emerging authors’ website Infinite Pathways: hosting writing contests, providing editing services, free publicity tips, book reviews, and opportunities for authors to build their writing platform and portfolio.  In addition she writes articles and edits freelance as she continues her own creative writing working toward completing the next book in the Chronicles Series. Time’s Tempest: The Chronicles of Xannia (1) is M.J.’s debut science fiction novel.  She firmly believes that if she hadn’t been born a Virgo, she wouldn’t be half as organized as she needs to be to get everything done from one day to the next.

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“Here’s why I forgave my cheating mate”

By Chelsea Kaplan

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“Here’s why I forgave my cheating mate”
If your mate has cheated, forgiving and forgetting might be nearly impossible, right? Well, some people are able to give their straying sweeties another chance. Here, they tell their stories… and give the rest of us plenty of food for thought! 

I forgave my mate…

…because she seemed genuinely remorseful
“After my girlfriend came to me and admitted she had hooked up with another guy, I was crushed. When she told me, though, she seemed so genuinely sad and sorry. Because of this, I decided to forgive her and not break up with her. I could tell she really realized she had messed up and would have done anything to turn back the clock and do things differently. Her being that sincere made me willing to give her another shot.” 
– David, 28, New York, NY 

…because there were kids involved
“I forgave my husband after he cheated on me because we had kids together. For their sake and the sake of our family as a unit, I felt like I had to at least try to make things work instead of just immediately kicking him out, which is what I really felt like doing. We’ve worked on things a lot, and now we’re on the road to getting back on track. It was hard to forget, but I can honestly say I forgave him.” 
– Dawn, 32, Raleigh, NC

…because everyone deserves a second chance
“After my boyfriend cheated on me, I was so hurt. I still loved him, though, so deciding what to do wasn’t really black and white for me. After a lot of back and forth, I decided to forgive him. My friends thought I was crazy, but for me, letting go of someone I cared about so much because of one mistake wasn’t something I could do. I figure that everyone deserves a second chance, but not a third. If he does it again, he’s out, but for now, I’m willing to forgive him.” 
– Talinda, 26, Glen Oaks, NY 

…because he agreed to go into couples counseling
“When my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me, I was conflicted about what to do. I still loved him, but I couldn’t see staying with him and still trusting him. I proposed we go to couples counseling to work on our relationship, and he was in complete agreement. He was very honest and open in the counseling, and seemed committed to working on our issues and making sure we moved forward in a way that involved better communication. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done — much harder than I expected! — but we noticed a real improvement in our relationship as a result of the counseling, and it helped me find a way to forgive him and move on.”
– Jane, 31, Alexandria, VA 

…because I loved her — and her family
“I didn’t grow up in a very large or particularly close family, so when I began dating Catherine, who was one of a tight-knit clan of six brothers and sisters, it was like instant family. They were all so warm and fun to be around; it was a total relationship bonus. Things were going really well until I found out that she had cheated on me. I was very upset, so when she begged me to try to work things out, it was tough to say yes. When I thought about losing her, though, I couldn’t imagine that — both because of my feelings for her and for her family. I decided to give it another go-around, and so far, we’re doing a good job of working on moving past it.” 
– Trey, 29, Lansing, MI 

…because I’d almost strayed before, too
“In the very early stages of my relationship with my boyfriend, I sort of cheated on him with my ex. Technically, maybe I didn’t cheat, but I definitely crossed a line… I never told him because I realized it was a huge mistake that I’d never make again. A few months later, he admitted he had cheated on me with one of his business school classmates. I was hurt, but I felt like I didn’t really have much of a right to be upset with him, considering what I had done. I chose to forgive him and give him another chance, because I know that people all make mistakes. We’re both going forward with a new sense of commitment, and I’m feeling very hopeful about our future together.” 
– Nicole, 25, Jersey City, NJ 

1. A poorly timed “yeah,” or “uh-huh,” that gives away the fact you weren’t really listening to their story. Because if said story is something your significant other is really worked up about, you’re in big trouble–in the proper circumstance, this could easily snowball into a big picture thing about you never actually listening. Never actually listening the first cousin of not really giving a shit this whole time we’ve been together.

2. Framing a possibly accusatory mundane observation the wrong way. I.e., if your boyfriend never washes the dishes, and you tell him “you never wash the dishes,” there’s a certain delivery that can spark a fast-moving firestorm of second-guessing and uncertainty. Does she resent me? Does she have a reason to?

Communication is lethal when it becomes miscommunication.

3. Being too selfless. Which sounds ridiculous, but if one person constantly adheres to the others wants and needs without considering their own, the two are not in a relationship. (Depending on the rent situation, this might be more of an indentured servitude.)

Anyone looking for a fulfilling relationship will shy away from this sort of thing. It’s sure nice to have someone on call, but it can get kind of old. Sometimes, it’s best to speak up.

4. When your boy/girl person gets all excited because they just dominated their MCATS, make sure the initial look on your face is of genuine happiness. If there’s even a hint of jealously, you’re forever doomed.

5. Talking in a condescending tone when discussing something they don’t understand too well, or something you think they don’t understand too well. Condescension is the ultimate relationship ruiner–it implies you’re not on the same plane.

6. Forgive something that doesn’t merit forgiveness, or avoid an argument that’s one degree to hot for the boiling temperature–something that doesn’t seem to make sense when phrased the way I just phrased it, but is probably universally understood enough not to matter.

Basically, know when you shouldn’t forgive too easily. If you don’t, you’ll actively create an ever-growing gap that may never be mended. Think about Africa and South America–once so tight, now so far apart.

7. Complaining at the wrong time. Like, if you’re out having a great time at a really nice restaurant in the West Village, and all of a sudden you make a huge scene because it’s taking 5 minutes longer than necessary to get the check back.

Totally avoidable, self-inflicted evening ruiners such as the one described above sometimes reveal the fatal flaw that is you–and can make a guy or girl run of the hills of bachelorhood faster than you can say “but he was kind of a dick, right?”

8. Being overly nosy when they engage in plans not involving you. A few years back, I lived down the hall from a dude who was always incredibly inquisitive about what I was doing, where I was going, who I was hanging out with, and how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop. Living with that ranged from being mildly funny to incredibly annoying. But having that as a girlfriend–someone you legitimately would have to answer to when those questions were posed 140 times a week–would be almost as bad as having a government that cares more about shitting on other members of the government than actually helping people. Oh.

9. Fighting in a way that undermines the other’s fighting skill set. Fighting, as a thing, is totes croosh for the continued survival of any relationship. But if you guys tend to gravitate too much towards one style of fighting–be it aggressive screaming matches or low-toned bickering–and one of you is MUCH better at that particular style of fighting–it will probably lead to one final fight.

If you’re on the losing side of this, the day you realize this is probably the last day you’re really into the ‘ship.

10. Looking out at the sunset and focusing on the bigger picture.You don’t necessarily have to look out at the sunset–it could just be the ocean, a lake, or even a field of recently plowed earth. The point is that if you stop and think about your relationship in a way that makes you think too much, you’ll end up mind-fucking yourself out of the happy, loving stability you’ve been enjoying significantly more than you ever thought you would.

It’s sometimes tough to avoid thinking about the long run–especially given that emotionally torturing oneself is so appealing in theory. But alas, we must try. TC mark